crying over life

SPOILER - If you want to read something uplifting don't continue reading this post.

Between the email of a boyfriend not wanting to be with you and an email from the job you thought you had but they went another direction - I really don't like emails or life at this moment. Dating is like job searching. You can't convince either of them to pick you; no matter how hard you try. If they don't want you, they don't want you and the reason is never one you'll understand.

I have to say this year is not panning out the way I thought it would be. I rang in the new year with such hope and love for another  and life that I didn't have much to complain about. I hadn't been that optimistic or gitty before.

But how quickly things change...to be candid, I would give my soul for someone to take care of me right now.

Making the most out of lemonade when you are a one person shop is a challenge. Those lemons sting the cuts and bruises and there are a lot of them right now.

I walk the streets day and evening hours with LoLa pondering the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

I should appreciate the "I'm sorry", "this too shall pass", "they or he is just a fool", "it will happen soon", "I understand" ... but I can't get past the uncertainty.

I have no single clue as to where I will be, how to get there and will there be someone. It is so frightening to face - most of you are probably surprised at this; you can only imagine how I'm feeling (I know some of you can...but this is my woe and blog).

I know ... really I know -  life could be so much worse, but for the moment I will feel like it is bad.

So...if there is anyone out there who wants to give me a job, find me a boyfriend or give me a true sense of peace. I am here. I need a break, something good.

In the meantime, I cry...and I don't like it...